Simple Resting, Broken Heart

A poem written to Genpo, Friday 10/29/04:

Wanting nothing, being no one.

I exist as self sufficiency.

I feel the 10,000 things, but they do not feel me.

What a strange, sad state of affairs.

What unique loneliness.

An ache that expands, touches, feels.

We are home together.

How can they not feel this?

How did I, not, feel this?

Simple resting, broken heart.

I do not know….

Behind the sometimes callous, prickly texture of my personality is a sadness that often leaves me unable to speak. My dearest friends, you who are my family, this human life has never felt my own, and so I often do not know how to share in our common humanity. I remain untouched, alone. I'm sorry I do not know how to be with you where you are, as you are, with the joys and pains that color your life. But that doesn't mean I don't feel you. I do. Deeply, I do.

Simple resting, broken heart.

I do not know....

Love,

Colin

Comments

[JasonD]

Your generousity comes through in this post. Thanks for sharing. That unspeakable sadness, now spoken, is our unity. We share in our suffering that we may also share in our Joy. I suppose what Im trying to speak to Colin is, well, many of us who are 'colored with joy and pain' really dont know how to live humanity either. Its strange how we all pick an expression, blindly, like a childhood game with a skarf over our eyes... We stumble forward. I can not know if I understand your experience, I know that you never seemed distant to me. you just were your particular expression, like a non-verbal comforting presence in the room... or somewhere in bouulder county anyway.
Blessings,
Jason

[Brandy]

How beautiful to witness your bodymind unfurl. When you wave your prayer flag to Genpo, you help me notice that my mind is moving and morphing into the manifestation named Brandy, and I let that being melt into you, sharing your profound loneliness and broken heart.

I dreamed last night that I was swimming in the ocean, not far below the surface of the water, and when I came up for air at the dock, Genpo was there. He showed me how to dive deep, far beneath the surface, far beneath the commotion of the waves, and "spotted" me as I plunged into the water.

We're in good hands.

Your friend in the Mystery,
Brandy