Friends, already the first comment I've received--via email--about this blog is one I truly needed to hear. "Skillful means 101: Defenses bring about what they were meant to ward off." I bet some of you can guess the source of that nugget.
Truly, I know my first post was a slightly veiled defensive rant. But please understand, resting as that One, my experience is of being attacked by literally every single thing and occasion in the manifest domain. Given a choice between rabidly defending that One or folding to the whims of the 10,000 things, I'm going to go down fighting. But this does introduce a contracted dimension to my communication. I can feel it in my stomach. Maybe you can feel it to. With all my heart, I apologize for the way that I was not prepared to give of myself in my first post.
But rather than rewrite my posts (though I may go back and tinker for clarity's sake), I think I should like to simply create new posts so that the evolution of understanding is made plain for all to see. Not the evolution of my understanding, the evolution of understanding itself as it exists between everyone involved in this process. Thank you for being here. Thank you for offering your attention.
I will write more about being undefended shortly, but for now I need to continue on to some other relative responsibilites--such as eating, something I ignored entirely for the five hours last night I spent getting this thing started ;-)
Much love,
Colin
I want to extend all my love and respect to you for attempting the impossible (from the perspective of the One) of bringing nirvana into samsara through the imperfect vehicle called Colin. Not many will understand you, and most will find you arrogant and unskillful but it will also speak to that one in them if they listen with thier hearts. I feel the breaking of your heart as you try to articulate what by its very nature does not "want" to be articulated but only rested in. Most won't realize that your seeming arrogance of communication is actually the most humble giving of yourself, for the truely "arrogant" thing to do would be to just be that one and to hell with trying to communicate it through this dream that others sleep in. You helped open me to that one, and if there is any way I can help you in bringing your gift to the world let me know. This is a quote that helped me and I offer it to you in respect for your devotion.
"With the Humanity of God you must live here on earth, in the labors and sorrow of exile, while within your soul you love and rejoice with the omnipotent and eternal God in sweet abandonment. For the truth of both the humanity and the divinity is in one single fruitation." -Hadewijch
Posted by: Vanessa | October 31, 2004 at 08:53 AM