This blog is the beginning of a process of making who I am known, explicit, public. To many of my friends and colleagues I am an unspoken presence. I am never truly shared, and thus, I am never truly known. For those of you in my life to whom I have remained a mystery, I offer this blog to you. If you are moved to do so, I am honored to have you bear witness to this process. But be forewarned, even though this blog exists for you, I do not. I exist for only One Thing. This blog is an expression of my understanding and relationship to that One Thing, and I shall serve that first, always.
I am unspoken in most of my human exchanges. Here, I shall pull no punches. This will interest and intrigue some. It will shock and offend others. And with no ill-will in my heart, I say this: I do not care how you feel about my offering. This is not to say that I don't respect and value you profoundly as a human being; I do. But the nature of this offering is unconditional. I exist as and for this One Thing, and no man, woman, or god shall ever change that.
Attempting to communicate this One Thing is at the center of my understanding of my dharma, my work in the world. However, it is not that I feel that I feel I "have" something which I wish to "give" to others. As Adi Da put it, "There are no winners in God." Damn right. But there are some who know this and some who don't. For those who know, attempting to express this reality is an enlightening movement. In this movement the distinction between those who know and those who don't is erased, literally and actually.
This blog is my first step towards actualizing that enlightening movement publicly. Up to this point, I've only shared this aspect of myself with about half a dozen people, but it now feels appropriate to expand the circle of my self-offering.
Implicit to everything I've said thus far is the fact that I believe I have some degree of enlightened awareness. I do believe this to be true. But let me explain what I mean by that. One way to think of it is this: on a scale of 1 to 100, where 1 is absolute ignorance and 100 is absolute enlightenment, 50 would be the tipping point. At 50, one's understanding of who one is would be fundamentally grounded in Reality. I believe I've reached 50, maybe even 51. As such, I believe my understanding is as Real as it gets, albeit very immature.
Therefore, I look to my teachers not because they understand something I don't, but because they have had decades more experience than I in integrating enlightened awareness with a human life. They possess the skillful means that I do not. They also rest much deeper than me, and thus act as a representative of a mature form of my own highest Self. But there is no grasping. The relationship is based in Understanding, where teacher and student are genuinely not-two.
So my gift to you, currently in the form of this blog, is profoundly selfish. I am only giving to mySelf. I am only speaking to that in you which understands me perfectly, even now. Perhaps you will join me in this enlightening movement. Perhaps you won't. Either way, I bow to you, perfectly. Received or rejected, I do not contradict myself when I say: I exist only for you.
Gassho,
Colin
PS I will leave the comment option on for my posts, and though I promise to read everything, I can't promise I'll respond to everything (or anything). I'm not yet entirely sure how to integrate the "we" aspect of this process. Like most things on this blog, it will be an ongoing question....
Right on, brutha!
Posted by: Mark Binet | October 31, 2004 at 01:25 AM
Rock Brother Rock!!!
Posted by: Vince | October 31, 2004 at 07:33 AM
we're not worthy! keep it up always already.
Posted by: coolmel | October 31, 2004 at 09:50 AM
;-) i know you: What is the One? Who are the 10,000? Who is questioning? ;-)
"What is the world? What is peace and who is the worker? The world is not in your sleep, and forms a projection of your mind in your waking state. It is therefore an idea and nothing else. Peace is the absence of disturbance. The disturance is due to the arising thoughts in the individual, who is only the ego rising up from Pure Consciousness. To bring about peace means to be free from thoughts and the abide as Pure Consciosuness. If one remains at peace oneself, there is only peace everywhere." Where peace means any manifestation of enlightening movement.
Ramana Maharshi - when asked what is the best way to work for world peace?
Posted by: Rebecca | October 31, 2004 at 10:33 AM
dude, you are a good writer. not that you care ;)
Posted by: paul s | October 31, 2004 at 01:12 PM
Mmm.
FWIW, and I'm sure it's not worth much, there is such a sense of narcissistic self-congralution in this particular post, that your communication as such is suspect.
It's a subject for millenial and unending examination - the contradiction of the personal with the profound, and the tools hopeless to measure the quanitities of each. But having had my own satoris (I'm not willing to call them enlightenments) wax and wane (at one point for years at a time, then to disappear without warning), and seen other people who are enlightened act like silly fools, I've developed a rather cutting "jingle" - culled from the movie "Grease", believe it or not - for these glimpses of understanding (which clearly you have had), mixed with the dross of human narcissism.
"Look at me, I'm Sandra Kent!
Lousy with Enlightenment!
I'm the enlightened fool,
And if you can't see it - F*ck you!
I'm just, this enlightened D*ck!".
Posted by: JC | October 31, 2004 at 02:40 PM
Note - the good news in terms of the "progression", if that is the right word, in what you write about is of course EXCELLENT news.
Just some feedback on the communication.
Posted by: JC | October 31, 2004 at 02:53 PM
thank you
Posted by: D | October 31, 2004 at 04:30 PM
So, it seems the divine equation has been derivated once more...another pleasant coincidence, the possibility of which can not be calculated, by the retarded human intelligence...
For the followers and for those who are aware of the many parameters (that define the very meaning of presence) of the equation however, Colin, what you are trying to imply is quite logical and rational, yet as you state -immature.
I am just an 'asylum seeker' and the phrase 'unspoken' led me into your world. Probably I shall never visit your page again, but I do think that I understood your prospects.
Farewell...
Posted by: Ceteris Paribus | December 12, 2004 at 04:58 PM